A Look Over the Shoulder

Before I begin to fill this space entirely with our present life and our goals for the future, I'd like to especially remember these past four years. Why four? On the 30th of this month Charlie and I will have been married four years, at the beginning of this month I concluded my short and varied career as bread-winner, and on May 21st Charlie became a Master of Divinity, sealing four years of hard work. In our larger family life we have welcomed two sisters-in-law and one brother-in-law; two nieces have been born and two nephews. They have been full and life-changing years. I must acknowledge them.

What follows is a brief, not at all comprehensive snapshot of the past four years in pictures.

This photo was taken before we were married. Behind us is Charlie's beloved 1964 Mustang. This prize possession was the first big sacrifice he made for us.

Perhaps seeing the mustang go wasn't as hard as it could have been. We both comforted ourselves with the thrill, and of course the economy and practicality, of our lovely BMW F650 GS. I have wonderful memories riding behind Charlie in the city and out on country roads.

Sofie, our extroverted, energetic, protective and beautiful little pooch joined us in January '07. While Charlie worked night or evening hours at UPS I couldn't have asked for better company. Charlie and I both felt her presence at home added so much to our family life.




Then there was the house. As you can see here, our backyard was a mess. Overgrown, water-collecting and mosquito-breading, something had to be done.


We still have the mosquito problem, but Charlie's back-breaking, mind-stretching work finally produced the patio, the landscaped (yes, Babe, I think I can use that word) lawn, and the fence. The flower bed came later, thanks to Mom. Charlie and I have both thoroughly enjoyed the many "Befores" and "Afters" we've experienced living in our house.

Meanwhile, the first two years of our married life I studied opera at Washington University while Charlie began his seminary career. These years are significant to me for the personal development they afforded. I had the almost daily opportunity to stretch myself artistically.

It was also at Wash U that God gave me friendships that would challenge my faith and engage me in open, often blunt conversation about what I believed. I wrestled with seeming incompatibilities between my faith and my art.


Through learning roles in fully-staged produc-
tions like "Lizzie Borden" and through fooling around on stage singing scenes from Wagner's "Die Walkure," I had the opportunity to explore my humanity on and off stage. I studied both musical and self-expression.

But the greatest challenge and the most rewarding work of my master's degree was the design, preparation and performance of my recital. I fell in love with singing all over again, and "felt God's pleasure" like Eric Liddle did when he ran. I will look back on that achievement with gratitude for the rest of my life.

After my graduation I did what any self-respecting musician does; I got a job in a research laboratory. The Lord unexpectedly provided for us through this job, and gave me the added blessing of exposure to the beautiful and interesting world of scientific research. I count that experience as one of the great blessings of my life, and wonder if I will ever be called on to use the skills and knowledge I acquired through that job.

Following these challenging but rewarding years came the most difficult and dark period of my life so far.

In August, 2008 Charlie's grandmother passed away from pancreatic cancer. On October 20, of that year his father died after 69 years of battling diabetes and all the many complications that resulted from it. These two losses so close on each others heals brought us down. They caught us off guard and hurt us. But we weren't stunned nor did we despair until we lost our niece and nephew on April 4, 2009, to premature delivery.

No one but those who have grieved an infant death can know the sorrow and helplessness we felt. Even now the wound is fresh and painful. For the first time in my life I questioned God's goodness and didn't even try to control my anger against Him. He tested me and I failed. But He did not fail me.

At a much slower pace I have been learning what my sister wrote on her blog about a year ago: "I cannot preserve my life. I cannot fulfill my desires. I cannot bring about joy in my heart. I cannot make myself like Jesus. I have nothing: no virtue, no power, no strength. I do not know what my future holds. And if I did know I could do nothing to change it or to bring it about. God alone gives and God alone takes away. God alone gives life and sustains it and then ends it when it is time...But then, if it is God alone who has the power then I know where my hope is. My hope for the preservation of my faith; my hope for strength each day and my hope for the future." Praise Him for His faithfulness!

By the end of that summer, we knew we were expecting. We planned for me to work full time up until the birth, getting us mostly through Charlie's last semester at Covenant Seminary. God and our son had other plans. He was born 5 weeks early right before mid-terms.

I quit work and we sold our bike. As much as I loved it and grieved its loss, I love being home with Charlito so much more.







And as it happens, Charlie managed to graduate all the same. I am so proud of the work he put into that degree, and the man it has helped him to become.





So, here we are. Back to the present. Charlie interns as a chaplain this summer, and I enjoy home life. Here's a picture from yesterday just for fun: